Kathy

I never had the chance to tell you just how much you impacted my life in such a positive way. I never felt the pain of regret as strong as when I found out you had left this Earth.

The last time I saw you all I did was walk by... I was so used to walking in and out of Target trying to avoid people and the questions they had about my transition because it made me feel uncomfortable in a public setting... and I walked right past you and did not even stop to say hello. In my mind I thought about stopping by to give you a hug - since that's what I did the previous time. Why didn't I just listen to my heart and talk to you... and hug you... why? I didn't know that would be the last time I would see you.

A few months later you stopped by my work - the only time you stopped by, and I wasn't there. You left a note for me and I was so happy when I got it the next day. I was surprised that you had remembered I worked there.

... and then poof. You were gone. A thousand unanswered questions, a million unsaid words... it hurts. I never got to tell you about where I was going with my life. Of all the people in my life from that circle at that time, YOU would have understood and accepted me no matter what. Why was I so afraid?

I crawled into a hole and because of that, I will NEVER get back the time I SHOULD have and COULD have spent telling you how amazing you were, how much happiness you brought to my life and how your smile brightened my day, EVERY day.

I tell myself you know and you understand. It helps. But sometimes it hurts too much and I just sit here and cry over it. Regret is a nasty emotion. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad. You'd punch me in the shoulder and say, "oh c'mon!"

Did you know how much we all cared before you left? The question rolls around in my mind often. Life is way too short not to express the love you feel toward those in your life. I'll try not to let it get me too much... for you.

I love you, you were truly an Angel in my life and you made the days so sweet.